Guest Blog: Man-Made Pizza

First, man invented fire. Then, he invented the wheel. Today… I give you mini pizzas. Impressed? You should be. Okay, I thought I needed a big intro to get your attention. Well, I guess it’s better than my alternate title idea – “Baby Pizzas: They’re Made From Real Babies!” Eh? Well… With my lovely wife being pregnant, I’ve been trying to do more to support her around the house. Sexy, right? Anyways, let’s get down to business.

I started with cooking Italian pork sausage and chopped onions. As you can tell, I had my Sous Chef Josie helping me with this undertaking. I decided to use whole wheat (pronounced whole hwheat in our household) sandwich thins as the crust in an attempt to match my wife’s penchant for healthiness.


So as the innards were cooking, I applied the roasted garlic pasta sauce to the whole wheat thins. I added more sauce to Cara’s because she’s rather saucy (get it?). After the innards were thoroughly cooked through, I started assembling my mini pizzas. I personally like mushrooms and spicy stuff, which I added to my own. Cara, not so much. I guess, at this point, you can add whatever you’d like to your pizzas. I mean, this is still America, is it not?


It’s important to note my assistant, Josie Philip Sous-a (get it?), had become delinquent on her duties midway through the process. So I had mounting pressure to pull off this masterpiece of culinary prowess. Knowing my pregnant wife was needing sustenance, I continued the process by adding pepper, oregano, mozzarella, and parmesan to top off the mini pizzas. I placed them on a baking sheet with a piece of foil. They then went in to the oven set to 375 degrees for roughly 15 minutes.


Full disclosure here – I didn’t set the timer, so I had to eyeball it. I pulled them out once the cheese started browning up. To top them off, I added some chopped basil. Now, I know I don’t have the culinary/artistic/writing skills my wife has, but I hope you enjoy this admittedly simple recipe as much as we did. So,without further ado, here’s the finished product…


In case you’re wondering, there is an actual back story to the baby hand. You should ask Cara if you’re interested. By the way, this is how Josie ended off her tour of duty


Ingredients List:

  • 8 whole wheat sandwich thins
  • Italian pork sausage roll-thingy
  • 1/2 chopped onion
  • Tomato-based pasta sauce
  • Shredded mozzarella cheese
  • Shredded parmesan cheese
  • Black pepper
  • Oregano
  • Chopped basil
  • Sliced mushrooms (optional)
  • Crushed red pepper (optional)


Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cook sausage & onions. Assemble mini pizzas. Place on baking sheet with foil. Bake for roughly 15 minutes or until cheese starts to brown. Add basil. Eat. Drink. Be merry.

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